When my husband and I were dating, everything was going very well . . . I thought. We had been dating a little over a year when he asked me, "Who is your best friend?" I gave him a list of three women, all of whom he was very well acquainted with. There was an extended pause and he said to me, "I'm supposed to be your best friend."
Wow! That hit me like a ton of bricks. I was 25 years old and nobody ever told me that was what to look for in a spouse. It was never included in the list of loving the Lord, strong, sense of humor, for better or worse (and looks, if that was your thing). I looked around at all of the married couples around me, and I noticed that those married at my age still considered their best friends from school, church, or neighborhoods their best friends. But when I looked at couples my parent's age, I saw a comfort, an easy camaraderie that indicated to me that they were friends. I cannot vouch for best friends, but that of a relationship built up over time that established a friendship.
So, why wouldn't it be smart to go into the relationship with your mate as your best friend? Why wouldn't I want that from the beginning instead of either developing it over years and years or not developing it at all? So I began the process of seeing if my boyfriend could fill my definition of a best friend. And little by little, I saw that he could! Our foundation of faith was built on the same Rock. We laughed at the same things. We wanted to go the same places and we wanted to do the same things. But, most importantly, I could share anything with him and his feelings remained the same.
This year marks our 30th anniversary of marriage and I am now absolutely sure you need to marry your best friend. The experiences of life often hit hard, and you need to know you are with the one person that doesn't judge you or wouldn't leave you in the midst of it. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, he was right by my side through the whole thing. I realized if I had married anyone else I had ever dated, they would probably flee a bald, sick from chemo, wife. But, he loved me unconditionally as your best friend would do.
I have incorporated that concept in each of my books, the hero and heroine must become the best of friends (and in the Regency Period that is a very odd thing)!
What do you think?
Wish that could be true for all couples.
Thanks for replying Amy. I love my hero and heroines to develop friendship first. But I think it's important that we teach our children and grandchildren to add that requirement to their list! I never did.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!! I married my best Friend! It does make a difference! Great Post!
Thanks, Nora. I want to tweet this so maybe we get some more action. If you think that's a good idea, I'm sure you've got a ton more twitter followers than I do!! So glad to become more involved with you guys.
Sure hope so! otherwise I'm hooped!
Yes! My husband is my best friend and I wouldn't want it any other way :)
Absolutely! 1 of your best friends. We need lots of tight relationships. I have friends I have fun with, get wise council from, talk deep with, mentor... And, then there is brown eyes, my Babe; he covers all of the categories except mentor. LOL
We started out as best friends when we got married in 1979, and then in the ensuing years, raising eight children on a tight budget, we lost sight of that. Unfortunately, it took something as awful as cancer to make a difference in our lives. I talk about that in my new book,Chemo-Therapist: How Cancer Cured a Marriage (Familius, 2014) I had five and a half wonderful years after my husband's cancer to enjoy being his best friend again, before he died from a heart attack. You can see our story here:
What an amazing story! I, for one, really appreciate you sharing that with us. The book sounds like it should be required reading during pre-wedding counseling. I never knew someone could have that much love through such a terrible battle, but my husband, not me, was that unconditional loving caregiver. I'm going to go look for your book now and I thank you for contributing to this discussion in such a wonderful manner!
P/S Would you mind if I used you film and story on my author facebook page?
That would be fine, Mary~